Imperceptible Existence

You forgot me along your way,
And I'm still lost,
I was a lonely and different child,
Now look at the cost:
I feel strangely alienated,
Sadly unconsecrated,
Profoundly devastated,
What was wrong with me?

I think you tried to understand me,
But gave up too soon.
I know you believe you did your best,
But somehow became immune:
To my need for attention,
My lack of direction,
My feelings of rejection,
What was wrong with me?

I proved you right, over and over again;
I didn't fit your lifestyle.
You never said the words, but I knew;
I was not worthwhile:
Always an embarassment,
Filled with resentment,
Unable to find contentment,
What was so wrong with me?

Whose rules made me so very different
In your estimation?
Who told you I needed less love,
Less validation?
Couldn't you realize,
Didn't you recognize,
There was no compromise,
What was so very wrong with me?

Today I'm stronger in many ways;
You left your mark.
Others have shown me I am not alone;
I will escape the dark:
Thoughts of suicide,
Being terrified,
Trying not to hide,
Though still wondering what might be wrong with me.

I try to imagaine what it might have felt like
To be loved...just because...
Accepted unconditionally and completely,
No matter my flaws.
Too late for absolution,
There is no retribution,
And only one solution:
To ask, ‘What was wrong with you?'

Lora Frikken ~ 2-18-03